We all know people whose marriage has been destroyed because one of the partners cheated on the other. But, sometimes it happens that both partners are having an extramarital affair. What happens in these cases? Maybe they entered a marriage feeling insecure and hoping that the other partner would change and would make them happy.
Maybe somewhere along the way, they lost their communication and other people started looking more attractive to them. Maybe they were better looking, maybe more attentive, maybe more emotionally available. Whatever happened, one thing is sure. Cheating is never the problem. Cheating is a symptom. It always happens when something is going wrong in a marriage and the partners are not happy with each other.
Sometimes the virtual world plays an important role in all this. All the advertisements on the TV or on the internet changed the people’s understanding of happiness. Nowadays, people think that all it takes to be happy is a new car, a big house, new clothes from the latest collections, vacations, pills, diets, toys, appliances. But this is not true.
There are people who have all these and still don’t feel happy. They still feel like their partner is not enough. They are empty on the inside and think that another partner will fill all this emptiness.
It is believed that infidelity derived from the same emptiness as does drug abuse, food addiction, alcohol, shopping, gambling, and spending. People who cheat usually are looking for another person to fill all this emptiness. They usually seek for attention, sex or approval.
It is even harder when both partners cheat. It needs a lot of work to save that relationship and even more to bring back all that inner connection that couples have, especially the ones who have been together for a long time.
For those couples, who decide that they want to save their marriage, there are some things that can be done. It is a long process that takes a lot of time, nerves, and energy. But, if you get results in the end it is worth it.
First of all, you need to be at peace with yourself. You need to learn how to fulfil yourself with love first and then share it with your significant one. Stay focused. Don’t look back on what they happened, but forward. Try to work on what you have rather than have your eyes on the other’s plate. Focus on your own feelings and behavior. Learn more about yourselves.
This will make you create a stronger bond with your partner. Thinking that you are going to be hurt just creates distance between two people. Explore your fears. Know your partner’s fears. Try to support them and be their right hand, rather than try to change them into someone they are not.
Try to understand that you are the main person who is going to take care of you, not your partner. Love yourself, and others will love you too. Anyways, you also need to work with your partner. Let them tell you what they like, what they enjoy doing, what they do not like, what makes them angry, what makes them happy. Building a relationship is a team work, and the better you get along with your partner, the stronger the relationship is going to be. But, sometimes this cannot be done alone.
Your partner needs to be there throughout the process and that is more than obvious. Anyways, there are therapists or institutions that might be very helpful. Therapy is proven to help a lot when it comes to this kind of problems and couples who have gone through it admit that it was a very good decision and it was worth it because in the end it helped a lot.
By willing to do all the inner bonding work, learning how to take responsibility of their very own actions, and with the help from the right people or institutions couples might end up saving their relationship and being more intimate with one another.
Sometimes, extra marital affairs not only do not end a marriage, but might lead to create a whole better relationship between two people. They end up being happier with themselves and with their significant one, and have no desire to have an extra marital affair anymore. Relationships are not easy, especially marriages, and it takes commitment and determination to make them work.