The phase of getting into a relationship or a marriage is pretty hard lads and lassies. How it happens in movies and fairy tales is quite an easy right. You just approach the individual you like, some chit-chat and there you go, they’re already in love with you. Nah, this doesn’t happen in a matter of seconds and minutes I mean c’mon even in befriending someone, it takes the whole lot of time. Understanding the individual in front of you, collaborating your and their minds and forming the same perception is sometimes an uphill battle. So folks come outta those illusions and are realistic. Contemplating the situation is the first step in this whole scenario. I am not saying you should look here and there and then twist your head backward LOL but analyze the scenario. In case you still don’t know what I am talking about then apologies.
Actually, it’s about a woman who is quite interested in finding a partner. Now finding the right guy is a tough job and the same goes for the guys. In analyzing both sides, it’s a pretty tough job and wandering here and there wouldn’t bestow you a partner tbh. You gotta be more effort-driven. Some of us are pretty serious into this job and we search and want a partner who can be enduring and stout all their life with us. If the context is opposite to that I mean dating for fun, you don’t have to look for standards and all because you simply want a partner who can satiate you for the ongoing moment.
Now the ingredients. By ingredients, I mean the important aspects of finding your date or someone whom you want to marry. Before getting onto that, the guy sitting in front of you doesn’t really know you and it’s up to you what kind of aura you create around yourself (in case you did someone).
The ingredients necessary to define you are self-respect, self-esteem, the way you carry yourself, the boundaries which you set and the attitude you equip yourself with. Intensities can be different to these ingredients. Just like cooking something, you opt for different amounts of salt, spices and relevant ingredients. Neither too high nor too low is the key. Same is the case here with the dating/husband-search, the amount you choose for your ingredients is the key to ultimately finding the aptest partner who is totally abreast to what you imagined.
Communicating your standards
As mentioned previously, searching for a partner isn’t a piece of cake. Most of the women indulged in this practice don’t know their destination. They just keep going without a clue. No, this isn’t the right way and you’ll end up in a quagmire. That being said, there are other issues to this as well.
Women don’t know what kind of treatment they should expect from the guy they just found. They’re totally puzzled. They don’t know their boundaries. Even if they know their boundaries, they don’t know the intensity of it as I said earlier. You gotta know your ingredients for a successful bondage. Imagine yourself on a boundary line and you know what’s in front of you can be hostile. If you excel in measuring the intensity of the hostility you can opt for different defenses. These defenses can be barbed wires on the wall or maybe pieces of glass on the wall depending on the strength of the opponent. Because in the end, you want an honorable man and not an absurd personality with whom you’ll damage your reputation or maybe dent your life. So why not struggle in finding the right one now than to struggle afterward with them which is actually quite agonizing.
The thing is how to effectively communicate yourself. You should know what is okay and what isn’t for the person I am dating or would. The kind of person you’re looking for is also not known to many women. Let’s be clear about this, you gotta know the standards. You aim to spend your precious moments and you don’t have a slight idea about what’s he gonna be? This clearly portrays that you just let your guard down and made yourself vulnerable to every kind of hostility. This world is a cruel place to be ya know.
Communicating your standards in a way that won’t make you seem bad, or too aggressive or maybe too stubborn that would eventually make the guy run away. Communicating your standards is actually quite amazing if you do it the right way. It can be super-attractive and it can get you the Prince charming you always imagined about believe me.
Not doing it
So if you prefer more to be quiet about your likes or dislikes and you’re not communicating what you actually feel, you’re missing or maybe strangling that opportunity yourself. Being more distant and building high boundaries and keeping yourself away from him just to refrain from getting vulnerable can also send some grave messages to the guy and he would eventually feel you’re not interested in him. Don’t do this. You gotta influence that guy, overshadow him and make him come towards you in a way that would be pleasant for both. This can be applied to partners as well. If you’re in a marital situation, you shouldn’t keep yourself far from your husband. Communicating what you feel would result in better understanding and more attachment.
How not to do it
The question now arises is that how to do it? Well on a date, there is a situation when a guy tells you to come with him to his house. In this context, some women are quite over-aggressive. In response, they act quite suspicious and awestruck. Their response includes ‘are you kidding me?’, ‘how am I able to come to your house on our first date’, ‘this is awful, I am not coming to your house’ and the guy is quite in awe. Don’t make him feel he asked you the wrong thing, well it depends on how he is asking you to go out but if it’s in a polite manner, don’t do this to him.
Now here comes the other category in women. On asking this question which I mentioned earlier these women respond in a way to tackle it with excuses. ‘umm well actually I’ve some office work to do so we can hang out maybe on weekend’ or ‘well it’s getting quite late and I should be home and there is a lot to do’. Actually, these excuses, are more often the same, these can be legitimate or just self-made one’s but the vibe you’re creating would compel the guy to think that you’re ignoring his request and you’re just making some silly excuses.
There can be other women who are quite sweet but because of not-wanna-confront-any-awkwardness they accept the offer to with the guy to his apartment or house and make out with him even though they don’t want that to happen. So neither of these are quite the correct approach on getting along with the guy.
Creation of vibes
Now the woman who was too over-aggressive did communicate her standard but that went to an extreme. This move didn’t create excitement for the guy and he thinks that the woman is quite stern and on asking anything she would give a befitting response which shouldn’t be the case.
The other woman who agreed so rapidly to come over to his house on the date night just lost her respect. I mean she ain’t amazing if she’s easy to get. That won’t be exciting for the guy either. He might have a good time that night but after that, he would ponder upon what just happened and might realize you are really easy to have and anyone can have you. This doesn’t make him feel that special. So the loss is on both sides.
Point where you don’t get satiated and want more and more of anything. This practice is adopted by the food industry. When making food, they keep a standard level of ingredients which is meant to not satiate your hunger and keep you wanting it more and more. That’s how the food empire and corporations run. It’s called the Bliss Point where you can’t stop craving for the food. When I discussed the ingredients part above, I said the ingredients should be mild, not too piercing and not too tasteless. They should be mild yet delicate to have. They shouldn’t suffice. That is how the communication of standards work.
Balancing the sweet and salt and creating a bliss point should be your approach. This would make your approach desirable and not full of tension.
3 different situations
The one who was salty did show her standard but in a much salty way and too much salt ruins the food. The one who was quite sweet did approach the guy in a manner he wanted but left too much sweetness in his mouth which he later regretted. He’s gonna get bored with the sweet one because it’s always the same taste and wouldn’t have any respect for her.
Now there is a woman who has achieved the ‘Bliss Point’. She approaches the guy with the perfect response and that is, ‘Okay, I’d love to go to your house because part of me wants it. You’re super-attractive as well but you know it’s too fast, the pace should be moderate because this is my style. Maybe you can take me out sometimes in the weekend’. This would eventually stir euphoria in the guy and would make him believe he has you now and that you’re wonderful. Lady of class and that’s what he wanted all his life. Not too easy and not too hard.
You first create attraction by complimenting him, then you create tension that ‘part of me wants to go out with you’ and in the end, you show your, standard to him which is, ‘I don’t move this fast’. You did this all without creating much tension and made the food vivid. You didn’t satiate him, you just kept his crave for you more and more.
Now getting up the concept isn’t the key, you might get the solution/remedy to it but if you don’t do it practically and confidently, you won’t know what’s hidden there for you. Test your intellect and your abilities. You don’t know what qualities you possess after all. So hope it would aid you in finding the best partner and if you do have one, you just made yourself clearer and more attractive to him. Kudos!