Perfect Spouses are just amazing, they look after each other, smile when they’re together and make sure no trouble affects them. Well that’s a comfort while imagining but we are in the real world, and in real world you call all this a fantasy!
Couples often think that perfect love is out there and wish to have that kind of relationship but the reality says that life is a rollercoaster, which has twists and turns; it sometimes breaks you in half and lets you figure out how to be on your own. Here we discuss how believing in perfect love is one of your biggest misconceptions.
Fairy Tales Vs. Real Life
Who doesn’t remember watching fairy tale movies about princes falling in love with ordinary girls and turning them into princesses over night! We’ve all dreamed of having our own fairy tale as little kids. Despite living ordinary lives and knowing that this hasn’t actually happened, that it’s just a fairy tale, we’ve all at least once in our lives tried to imagine what it would be like to live like a princess in a faraway land. We might not realize the consequences of having such unrealistic expectations as kids, but the real problem begins when we start to have the same expectations from our partners, sometimes without even knowing.
The ‘Perfect’ Partner
Yes, we cannot argue on the fact that our parents know what’s best for us. They have seen the world, and they know us much better than we know ourselves. Parents want nothing but the best for us. They want to give us the perfect life and so they want our partners to be perfect. But what they don’t realize is that no one in this world is perfect, not even their own kids. Some mothers try to teach their daughters to be more patient while their partners are being cold and distant.
This could be a good thing in a way that it teaches them to be more polite and maintain a peaceful environment at home. Though, it would be a lot better if they tried to look for compatible partners instead of the perfect ones.
Comparison Makes Everything Go Down The Drain:
Talking about those ‘perfect’ relationships you see on the social media and the ones your friends talk about, you really don’t have to be an Einstein to figure out how filtered those relationships are. People do not want you to look at the flaws in their relationships, they don’t want you to feel better about your lives or talk about their flawed relationship with your friends.
So, for that reason, they only show you the good parts of their relationship. It shouldn’t be surprising to know that some of the so-called perfect moments they share on social media are not even true. Your friends sometimes talk about what their partners do for them and the special treatment they give to them. This creates problems in your relationship when you start to expect all that from your partners. You need to realize that not every person is the same, and everyone makes efforts in their own way.
Couples Make Unrealistic Expectations:
Now the misconception usually make one or both of spouses to make strategies in order to attain that perfect love in their married life. These strategies are no doubt, one of the most obvious predictors of a relationship killer, where they end up ruining everything instead of fixing.
There are around four major mistakes every couple make in their struggle to find the unicorn. (Yes, well they don’t exist, right?)
1.Molding Their Partners
Imagination makes a man wish for anything. Well this might be true because most commonly, couples imagine their partners to be someone who they can’t become. If a husband is good at driving car, doesn’t mean his wife can be as good at him and his expectations to see her drive like him can actually put a lot of pressure on her in not only that certain task but every other thing in their circle.
2.They Want Mind Readers
Some people are unpredictably living in the world of fantasy. You can’t figure out what makes them think the way they do but we are pretty sure their childhood toons were a huge influence. They want their partners to read their minds or more specifically, know what’s up without them telling their partners. Well this can’t be possible because if he reads most of your emotions, doesn’t mean he’s divine powers of knowing everything you’re going through.
3.Misjudging Disappointments to be Lack of Love!
If anyone’s sane enough to accept that they are living in a real world then they’d accept that problems are here beside every person like a shadow. Disappointments are usually the product of broken promises and expectations, but it does not by any means tell that there is a lack of interest in the other person. Some couples misjudge disappointments as lack of love or might think that their partners don’t love them as much as they do. In reality if you start measuring your own efforts, then everything in your life with the partner becomes a favor and eventually you start counting them.
4.Expecting Their Partners to Change Themselves
Most partners expect from this unnecessary wish of theirs to see if their partners try to change for them. Changing yourself for someone is possible but it actually takes away one’s own comfort and eventually, they start getting insecure about their looks, how they talk and their whole personality. So molding your partner according to your own desired shape can be one of the reason behind your weak emotional connection.
How to Make Your Connection Unique?
Now you probably have changed your perspective regarding “Perfect Love” being a unicorn in your married life, but we need to assure one thing to you both and that’s a unique connection.
How will that be attained? Have a look at some tips down below.
1.Try to pen down all of your expectations:
While it may seem like a waste of time, trust me, it’s not! Writing down all of the things you expect your partner to do or know about, on a piece of paper could help ease your mind of all the unnecessary stress. Sometimes, you get upset over little things like, why doesn’t he know what’s going on in my mind right now or why isn’t she taking interest in the soccer match that’s on TV right now. While, talking it out could prove out to be very beneficial for your relationship, but sometimes such petty reasons could stress the other person for no reason and that’s when the overthinking begins, with all your efforts going down the drain.
In order to avoid unnecessary conflicts, you might want to practice this new way of fighting your thoughts, by listing down your unnecessary expectations when you really feel like letting them out.
2.Have A Look At Your List:
Later, when you look at the list of your expectations, you might not feel the need to talk about it anymore. What really happens is, that while writing it down on a paper, you are simultaneously telling yourself to calm down. It works every time! You give yourself the time to figure out how important it is to share that thing with your partner. If you are expecting him to know what is going on inside your head, then you must also know that there isn’t just one single thing that goes through a woman’s mind at a time. So, how on earth do you expect him to know what it really is? Similarly, if you are a guy and you want your girl to share the same amount of excitement about a soccer match as he does with you, then you should also know that she could have different interests and you should respect that about her. However, if you still think that you need to let it out then you must go ahead and clear things out with them.
At the end of the day, all what matters is having a progressively healthy relationship with your partner, where you don’t have to hide anything from them or expect them to go out of their way to fulfil your demands. May be, you should stop impressing the world around you and focus more on what makes you feel happy and content. If your partner can bring a smile on your face whenever you are upset about something, you should appreciate them and make efforts to make them stay.
3.Wear Their Shoes
Before expecting something unimaginable from your partners, you should stand in their shoes first and judge how you’d actually feel if they were to expect the same thing from you? This thought can actually grow compassion in your heart for them, as they are the ones who are making efforts at their own capacities and eventually you will be content with what you have; growing a firm and fearless connection.
4. Tell Them What You Expect
Instead of expecting your spouse to figure out what you expect, why don’t you tell them what you really look for? Yes, there’s obviously a way to express and you can actually tell them indirectly in a conversation and they’d understand, being aware of all your wishes and emotions. Letting out your feelings can actually keep you from overthinking every night regarding the fact if your partner really can manage giving you what you need or if he would get upset over it.
5.Be Open with Them
Just like telling them what you expect, you can actually let them know what you don’t like about them in a way that they will try to improve their personality and be a better person, not just for you but for themselves also. Being open in your conversations can actually make you both get out of your shells and know each other more on a deeper level, which can play a major role in making it a unique connection.
6.Try to know Each other’s Comfort levels
By opening up, you guys will know each other’s comfort levels. You will try not to say that certain phrase or try to get rid of your bad habits, just so you can see their warm smile every time which will express love and respect for you, showing signs of a unique connection between you both.